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Don't Know How To Feel
ANOTHER BOOK FILLED WITH DISAPPOINTMENT
Well we are all human.
I just watched a 20/20 interview of Sachi Maclaine Parker and though some of the interview was stated by Shirley, as I remember reading some of it in Shirley' s books I felt 'What?'
I haven't been a great mother with either of my kids. But why do I constantly place others on a pedestal? Sure Shirley is in public eyes . Fantastic actress, performer and I love reading about her metaphysical beliefs and experiences. I have had some of my own as well. I am an experienced Tarot Card Reader. I have studied and have given readings for 40 years on and off for fun, and for pay.
So that is not my issue.
The thing is my disappointment in hearing all this. It Isn't so much about Shirley but about my placing people on pedestals and discovering that there are flaws if you will.
I thought the two were very close but now hear there was/is a desire of that!
I have gone through it all on both ends. Ambivalence from my son, and some confusion as he is mulatto and has never seen his father. I was left at 3 months pregnant and haven't even a photo. to show Raymond. At one point he denied his Caucasian side identifying himself as only being African American plus he is part Cherokee. I kept making appointments with Raymond to meet for lunch and he kept putting me off. Why? He didn't want people to know his mother is Caucasian. Talk about "Imitation of Life."
I have no judgment about Shirley and her relationship with Sachi just thought that she (Shirley) was perfect aka placing her on a pedestal.
Everyone has problems/issues to deal with personally.
Just felt Shirley had it all perfected. But we are all here for our lessons I guess.
I am still struggling on all levels.
Just am left a bit bewildered hearing this.
Sachi sure as hell. has a strong resemblance to Shirley too!
My daughter? No communication with her since she's 21, and she is now 38. According to FaceBook she is doing well. She earned her Master's degree in Social Work, she adopted 4 children, and is working with troubled teenage girls in a group home situation.
She could have been a professional actress as she was in CityKids. Lea had some guidance from Demi Moore and other performers who volunteered their time working with these teens who wanted to work in learning all aspects of acting. My daughter wad told when definitely had the gift.
Unfortunately there was too much negative interference from my sister. My daughter had been chosen for several commercial spots, but because my sister refused to pay the union dues AFTRA, she couldn't be used in the commercials. She did perform in Carnegie Hall, a one woman paid performace where
she was chosen for a soliloquy.
My daughter's story is in Robin Quiver' s book 'A Life', but some of the story of my daughter was almost a T.V. movie of the week & almost made concerning this part of the book. What stopped it was the movie being made by Howard Stern. It was more important for Robin working in that movie instead. (T.G.) I am referred to as Lea' s mother fyi if interested. My daughter also has a strong resemblance to me as well.
The reason I mention this is to show that I am also in that league. So what is the deal here anyway? We all do our best. And I guess I lack a lot more. What can be said?
Last edited by Azure : 02-23-2014 at 10:15 PM.
What is perfection? Can it not be that so called imperfection is, in actuality, perfection; imperfections enable differences that help us feel and explore life. If the perceived ideal of what constitutes perfection were to happen within our world, would humanity be ready for the static tranquility that could result? Is not the chaos we often endure a large motivator for growth and spiritual development? Has humanity learned to balance the positive and negative aspects of our existence to such a degree that humanity no longer needs difference or conflict to help motivate a desire for the benevolent well being of all life on the planet? Are we ready for heaven on earth?
Humanity's desire for perfection is often rooted in a desire to escape conflict yet it is the exchange of difference that expands our realities and stimulates our existence. Imperfection can be seen as a gift that both enables and motivates growth as well our ability to experience life in this dimension. Looking upon it in that light we can see that imperfection is, in actuality, a kind of perfection that facilitates life.
When difference is understood to be one of humanity's greatest assets, ideas or judgments attached to the ideals of perfection and imperfection will fade away. Conflicts caused by differences coupled with an idealized desire for perfection will vanish when it is realized ideals are only concepts created within the limitations of our thoughts, our judgments and our desires; perfection and imperfection are concepts we seek to satisfy or eliminate. They are mental tools, constructs that enable conceptual sensitivity and awareness that assist our spiritual development. They are not our actuality.
February 24th, 2014
I just found out the book was published a bit over a year ago.
I hope that Sachi and Shirley were able to connect to try and resolve some of these issues.
I still hope for communication avenues to open for myself and my daughter.
Raymond comes and goes and of late we are at odds, but for me and him this is our relationship.
I guess parenting always brings learning lessons and growth from both ends.
I had difficulty growing up in dysfunction, and felt I would do things differently and failed.
The illusion of parenting skills, it's different for everybody, but parenting no matter how old children are is always difficult.
I found TG Louise Hay and it pulled me through a lot of my pain by learning to see and feel my parents as children and what challenges they had to face in their youth. It helped me come to some terms.
March 24th, 2014
Well, I am a single parent 2x.
Overall I was very young the first time I became pregnant.
I wanted a child and had to face much opposition with family
where abortion was a concern.
Of course there was adoption and open adoption but I declined everything and accepted whatever the consequences were. After all I wanted home and family and never had that. I, like, most women in my situation felt the guy would do a turn around and it didn't happen.
So I still faced the consequences.
I am not sure if I am sorry or not, my daughter is doing well despite no contact since she is about 21, and she is 37 now. My son, Raymond, most of you know about, as he is Bi-Polar and was instituitonalized in and out of hospitals, and residential treatment centers.
I saw Shirley's 20/20 intervierw where she stated she would place herself and her career first as she witnessed her mother suffering for suppressing her creativity.
At first I thought that was selfish considering she had a child. Then I watched the video again (aka Youtube-where-else?) and now I had time to think.
I sacrificed alot. Living on Public Assistance, trying to develop a career aka attending Junior College taking care of a minor.(My daughter at that point).
And well, Shirley was right, I suffered giving up certain freedoms. Why?
I went through a 2nd pregnancy / didn't go for the adoption option. I am not sure now, especially with the fact my son is Mulatto, my daughter(Lea) is Finnish background, (and both are Italian French and German, and Raymond is part Cherokee)...
The thing is last week I had a wake up call and then I remembered Shirley's 20/20 interview.
First: My daughter bolted from home at 18; My son Raymond was at the time 3 1/2.
Considering I was a single parent, with some emotional supports, but somehow it wasn't enough, I think I did pretty good. She didn't turn into a drug addict, and wasn't at all promiscuous. She wore sensible clothes, wasn't into showing off her body and wasn't really interested in makeup, but a bit into acrylic nails, and paying attention to her hair. She enjoyed having her hair permed. And though I am her mother, feel she was a beautiful girl, and is a beautiful young woman - well at least in comparison to my age (I am now 60)...(can't believe that sometimes!) aka a photo in Robin Quiver's book!
My son, on the other hand, was taken from me due to his disability: he was originally diagnosed as ADHD and is now Bi-Polar. He has extreme behavioural problems, and is unfortunatly in the system. Was institutionalized for 12 and a half years.
I sacrificed my time for both, going to PTA meetings, Therapy, Family therapy the whole 9 yards.
Was even in parent advocacy for a bit for parents who had children diagnosed with a therapeutic problem (aka my son). And I have had my ups and downs as well as many of you know. I
With my daughter I attended many parenting groups.
I, myself have been diagnosed as Chronically depressed, with borderline Bi-polar issues. I am on prosaic.
Last week, was it, March the week of the 21st, 2014. Raymondcame to me accusing me of being the source for all his problems and his sister's as well. He said things to me concerning my daughter's father.
Glenn, Lea's father was not in her life until after Raymond was born. The city brought him to Family Court. He then was given visitation. She was 11/fast going on 12 at the time he came around.
That was short lived, he brought more problems to us being in her life then not, (too detailed to go into).
The bottom line is that in 2010 I believe it was he wrote and sent a letter to me, about his wife who he met after dumping me, had died in a DUI accident. He sort of indirectly blamed me. Glenn even accused me of standing by while Raymonds father (Larry) sexually abused outr daughter, which was far from the truth. He stated if he knew it was factual he would have killed both of us. What a moron!
To top this off, part of the letter he stated that the best thing that would have happened is if I had died in childbirth so he would have gained custody of our daughter. What?
He told me at the time to have an abortion, he did not want the responsibility of being a father. He had NO parental rights as he never declared fatherhood until that court appearance.
Lea had my last name. If anything like that would have happened most likely though my relationship with my sister is dysfunctional I am about 99% positive she would have taken on the responsibility.
What was all this about? His wife was unable to become pregnant, when it was found out he suddenly became father oriented over Lea, whom he had no contact with.
I had to lay all this on Raymond!
He is seriously dating a woman who is more problematic than he is.
She has 4 children none in her custody. And Raymond wants to marry her. Aviva is 7 years olde3r than him, but that is NOT the issue.
Aviva came into my apartment and made herself literally at home...taking my food out of the fridge without telling me, cooking it up, and she also stole from me. She told Raymond she was borrowing my jewelry, and never asked, or returned it. And there were other incidernts that occurred, which I don't wish to reveal here.
Raymond for some reason thinks I am going to babysit when/if his gf becomes pregnant.
THERE IS NOTHING MORE IMPORTANT THSN YOUR FREEDOM!
So Shirley I commend you. I know you stated alot of what Sachi states is fabricated, but there was some she spoke of in her book you revealed in your books.
It doesn't matter.
This is what I sacrificed, and what you felt you couldn't.
Decisions are hard, but I wish I had had the courage to do what you did, if so my life path would have been free to go n another direction.
This is what I ended up getting as a parent: Not even a box of Whitman's chocolates on Mothers Day.
I am going to be working shortly, I am planning to return to college to earn my MSW at the age of 61, and though it may be an impossible goal I have every intention of opening a Center geared towards teenagers 13 - 19 who have been physically, sexually or emotionally abused. The goal will be to get them into therapy while there, finish school and it will be goal oriented. I am hoping to pursue it to have the children emancipated if possible. I was hoping to have my Mentor help me with this endeavor but it didn't work out that way but even without his help I am going to achieve this goal.
'If anyone is interested in knowing more about all this, and maybe even have some suggestions please feel free to Email meL: email@example.com
You can see my videocam about this on YouTube: The Bird's Nest: A Safe Haven: Dedicated to Caroll Spinney.
This isn't an easy task to take on and will take a long time considering my age as well, but I am determined to do this.
I had planned to start this about a year and a half ago but was pulled into too many stops now it is time.
I will not be rearing grandchildren!
Thank-you Shirley! I wish I had your mindset about 43 years ago, my life would have gone in a better direction. But maybe my experiences will help me do this now. Who knows?
Maybe Lea will reconnect as she is a social worker working in a group home with problematic teen girls. Maybe she will take this goal of mine over when it will be evident I can no longer fulfill it, but I am going to work hard on getting it done!
Thank-you, Shirley - and Sachi I am sorry you feel the way you do, but as things are: Everything as your Mom has taught us, happens for a reason!
I am sure there will be some members who have a differing viewpoint but this is where I am at now. As the saying goes: "If I knew then what I know now..."
Last edited by Azure : 03-24-2014 at 01:20 PM.
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