This woman has been in and out of my life for about 30 years. We never had the greatest closest friendship but I always thought she was sturdy and she was very astute, and hardworking. She despite what she thinks
made tremendous strides in her life...

I thought!

Until about a month ago!

She met this guy on the train - she saw him for 2 years travelling to and from work as he did her - and finally about 6 weeks ago asked her out. She seemed happy, but after the 2nd date he became very obsessive. He cut her off from all her male platonic friends. She's called me, but was only 'permitted' to call her gfs. Then one afternoon a guy she is just platonic friends with called on her cellular and he went into a rampage - yelling and screaming into the phone at him and he then broke her cellular, I think beat her and threw her in his hallway without shoes and a ripped top. She banged on his door to supposedly get her shoes and handbag, and he finally opened the door. She stupidly went in, and once in he really pushed her around and then tried choking her with the handbag handles to her handbag. When things quieted down, I am not sure what happened.

She called me a couple of days later - but I have been convalescing from this damn hernia - though even if I hadn't been what could I possibly do?

To top this all off she and I at one time were about the same weight, but she lost weight through weight watchers but then went to extremes, and is now in my opinion either bullemic or anorexic as she is 35 pounds underweight, has dark bags under her eyes, and her back bone can be seen literally through her skin.

I fear despite all efforts she is going to end up breaking down worse than I had when I originally became ill. Besides all this 2 weeks before all this occurred she lost her mother. Her relationship with her Mom was toxic, but the 2 lived together, and had some sort of relationship. But now her mother is gone, and she is alone really - she has some prior guy friends in her corner, but I am not sure how they fit in her personal picture - this guy now, is not even letting her make calls to her gfs, never mind other guys - and has her staying home as if he calls if she doesn't pick up he accuses her of running around with some guy. He checks her cellular messages and now I can not even call her. I hafve to wait for her to call me.

I am really scared and afraid she will not make it through this weekend - she will either be seriously injured or dead before the weekend is over. And if you have heard The NY News for last week, people have really been going crazy killing friends and family members and then themselves. Someone even tried to attempt to kidnap Jennifer Anniston and was planning to terrify her or kill her the way the News made it sound, and it did look like the general article.

I don't want Vivian to be next. I don't know what to do - even as I type this he is in her apartment. And she is still talking about marrying him -

What happened here? / I thought she was more together then this - I have serious problems I am working through and have worked through, but I guess she has more than I do.

I am really scared for her.

Please send energies that this situation is resolved in her favor, and she gets it together - what else can I do?

Eloise/Azure

I understand that you are extremly concerned for her well being and her life.

I have had a lot of controlling issues my self and low self esteem due to growing up in a family with alcoholism and i was early sexualy abused by a member of my family. And maybe it s a life long process but it s a lot better now in my close relationships. But this guys behaviour is complete insanity and should not be accepted. When i was 32 i ended up in rehab for 15 months for all these issues and there i learned a lot about myself and from the other women in the group. Some had anorexia and similar. One woman in the group had met what she defined as "the passion of her life" which isolated her completely after some time from everyone, plus she had 5 kids also. In the end he tried to kill her by driving at her with a car. And in the group there were several women that had a tendancy to go for the "bad guys", dangerous and charismatic. The woman leading the group had worked with her self in different ways so she no longer goes into the game with socipats as she explained it. There is recovery from this but that takes a lot of therapy, the right kind for the specific person and willingness from what i have been tought.

One girl in the rehab was there to detox from heavy drugs and when clean from that after some months she went for the dangerous guys in the rehabs at night.

It s extremly powerful forces that creates these patterns within us and i think that its so difficult to do anything. and so hard to watch friends go in the wrong direction.

Maybe what i m saying is completely out there but if it were my friend that was in this situation i would let her know that i would be there if she would decide to leave him.

To know that you have somewhere to go "if".......... can mean everything to a person.

__________________
Mary

Vivian is an exceptional woman in all other ways: Very sensitive and giving of herself.

From things she has told me about this guy he is severely mentally ill - possibly Bi-Polar - I met him and he seems passive. But from things she told me there is something seriously wrong with him. He chain smokes marajuana the way some people chain smoke cigarettes.

He is not in therapy or utilizing meds, and it is obvious he needs to.

Viv has worked since age 17! Awhile back she was oin unemployment and ended up on Public Assistance the worker on her case referred her to "Dress for Success," and she was featured in a long article with 2 other women who with their help have secured fairly good paying positions.

Afterwards she attended college and earned a Bachelor's Degree in Business, and also achieved some sort of honors reward for ezxcelling in her major.

She knows how to drive, is well travelled, but the bone of her contention was to be married and have at least one child - (she is 54, and is still capable of giving birth). She is a beautiful svelt woman, but in my opinion has too much else going for her to let this nonsense happen! I feel she is going through a mid life crisis at the moment and this guy wants marriage, and she has been hurt alot!

She is okay, but since that incident all he does now is get into angry arguments with her because he thinks she is looking at other men - which isn't the case.

There is more to it than this - but this that I have stated is the worse.

I am releasing the situation to Spirit - and I did tell her I am there if she needs to talk. I am afraid for her safety, but other than praying and sending her lights of protection there is nothing more that I can do!


Thank-you,

Azure/Eloise

No, thats not more to do. If he s smoking marjuana like you describe, alanon or something similar is something for her from what i hear!

One time i had a friend who called to me who had relapsed into drugabuse when and i said that she can call me back when she s willing to go to a meeting with me otherwise i cant have contact with her.

Prayer is the only thing left sometimes.

Take Care.

__________________
Mary